i need a man to hug and kiss

so i was walking through the streets of park slope, singing a dido song and shielding myself from the blazing january sun when it occurred to me, 'hey gilhouse, you haven't posted for a long time, right? hmmm...i'm not sure, ask gilhouse, he'll know.'



well, i consulted my sources (thanks josh) and it turns out i have not posted for a while. that josh is one smart alligator.



i planned on posting earlier, but as we all know, the monday shuttle from mars is most difficult to catch, with the cosmonougts and all.



so this is what is most current: i learned to ride dolphins at mach-7 through the straights of gilbralter, and get this... i have a date! i know, i know, after surgically altering myself into a 74-inch likeness of a ken doll, dating seems a moo point (something a cow might say). nevertheless, i figure, someone may be into my smoothed features. and alas, someone may be. and...and... from what the balding vet in the mechanized cart at my local retirement home says, she's got "plenty of limbs" and a "butt that won't quit." thanks old man! works for me.



so it is time to pull my shit together, shine my androgynous parts and clean my apartment. here you can see that i got a haircut and shaved my butt (thanks again for holding the mirror, josh)...



i also ate a bunch of used condoms and alpo (unrelated to the upcoming date)...


cleaned my hello-rapist themed bathroom...



did not clean my kitchen...



built a boat...


took a picture of my bedroom...


and went whaling. wish me luck blog-reading borts!