let them have their tartar sauce

so toby came to brooklyn to surprise his lay-day. don't they look magical together? so much passion, so much fire. wish i had fire.


so we all went to franny's for pizza dinners. the pizza was good, but the decor was too "jewy" for me. but hey, that's me.


soda bar had brooklyn porter on tap, and man alive was is delicious.


tobs and gumball have been dating for a few years. aside from the conjugal visit sex, things are pretty stagnated (or so i imagine). here toby is role playing and trying to hit on his girlfriend.


too bad tobs.


soda bar played a movie no one can pronounce (except for those people who live under the stairs and have no tongues).


achoo! bless you toby.


?


no one could make out what was happening in the movie...


so i gassed up our F-14 and flew us to another bar.



as i flew around brooklyn i left a tape recorder playing and this is essentially what transpired:

"i can't get a massage from a man."
"what if something happens?"
"what could happen?"
"what if it felt good?"
"it's supposed to feel good."
"i don't want it to feel good."
"then why get the massage?"
"exactly!"


monty, tantalizing as always. but don't get your hopes up boys...she's a robot (and very prude from what johnny five told me).


and toby says i'm the idiot, hmmm.


must have been that bean he ate.


so the second bar was nice, but...


toby's bowel obstruction came to life and...


made the building not fall down. so we stayed at the bar.


toby showing what he wipes his butt with.


"a man gave me a massage."
"so?"
"so he had his hands and, uh, he was..."
"he was what?"
"he was... touching and rubbing. think it moved."
"maybe it just wanted to change positions. you know, shift to the other side."
"no, no. it wasn't a shift. i've shifted. this was a move."


"why can't joe dimaggio have a donut like everyone else?"


kneel before professor chaos


"i've always been a stall man."


people were not really drunk enough when i got back, so i made all my friends drink the tartar sauce...but the tape recording continued.


"men have been popping into my sexual fantasies. all of a sudden, i'll be in the middle."
"of what? oh."
"and a guy will appear from out of nowhere. i say 'get out of here! what do you want? you don't belong here!' "


"i got gonorrhea from a tractor. yeah, my boyfriend said i got it while i was riding the tractor in my bathing suit."


"i think that's what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
"what is a gander, anyway?
"It's a goose that's had the ol' switcheroo pulled on it."


"the sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli."


"so did you give that radio the ol' switcheroo? i did. and the christian rock? resurrected!"


which reminds me...there have been a few complaints about my blogging material, and i don't want to name names, so i'll just say that certain person named "s. pomerantz" is upset that i have been talking about how big his penis is. well, for the record let me just say that i have gathered conclusive evidence showing that "seth p's" penis is exceptionally small and diminutive; nothing to be scared of, and certainly nothing to write home about. there. that should clear the air.


so i parked the plane in park slope and when i woke up it had snowed. pretty standard really.


this is indy claiming he invented the question mark. i don't think so indy.



good night springdon.