can't stop doing the monkey

so i imagine many of my readers would like to know where gilhouse has been and what he has been up to. well, at this point i'm sure you would like to hear a story about sailing around the world, having consequence-free and anonymous sex with many exotic women while solving world hunger with the turtles of the Galapagos isles and eating bear sausages. well, i would love to enlighten you, but as it turns out, i have no idea about any of these things since i have been spending every waking hour making coffee drinks and giving verbal hand releases to park slopers. i did have a really nice date with what i'm pretty sure was a female. that was nice. above is her pic. i know, i know...i've dated many ovular, chrome women filled with dark and mysterious ooze, and it would do me some good to branch out. i'm just not there yet, emotionally.



it was difficult to notice, but it snowed recently. this is a pic of me cultivating an army of snow monsters in my backyard. i think the plan is to open a chain of snow cone stores, build trust in the community and then pounce! josh probably knows, so ask him.


and oh! the boys and i will be departing for romania in one month! for those who are unaware, there is much to dig and test in romania. there are also many bears to eat and be eaten by. indiana will not be going. sorry indy.



so what do i do at work? well...i accuse co-workers of being gloryhole operators, i watch my manager riverdance, and i make coffee. i like the coffee part (sometimes) because it allows me to think about the important things in life...like how i really need to start medical school and how i enjoy peanuts. above is the seal of my family peanut.


i take notes during my shifts and here are some of the highlights:

the manager is most likely a pedophile and says things that only pedophiles can say. for example, yesterday morning at like 2am when we were closing the store and putting the prostitutes back in their cages i saw the manager massaging the mop in the sink in an effort to clean the tentacle-esque parts. when i said that it looked like the mop was enjoying it i also made an allusion to the fact that the mop was a woman and that this kind of touching was good (for the woman). in response, the manager furrowed his eyebrows in that i enjoy touching little boys manner we are all familiar with, and said, "who said it was a woman?" ick.

what's also 'ick' is when i asked the manager to squirt some windex (that he was holding) where i was cleaning. in response he said, "that's what she said." i thought this was all kinds of gross and tried not to throw up in my mouth any more than i usually do when working with him. the manager walked away and i continued to clean. however, when this fellow came back he said (with no promt and with the aforementioned eyebrows), "and i did!"

is this for real? i would expect this kind of language at denny's, but not where i work.

and oh, this one time my co-workers (horses, mostly) and i were talking about scotch and whiskey. i was regaling them with a story about this one time i drank so much i almost went home with a "girl" who looked like an owl and tried to break into my old apartment. the manager heard us carrying on, scurried over and said very grossly, "i've had some really good 12-year-olds."

and oh, this fellow also likes to jump during the van halen song, "jump", but only during the parts that say 'jump.' it's exhausting to witness. there are other things, but that's all i got for now.

(a part of us all, a part of us all.)