i'm a man who enjoys his taffy

ahoy hoy lowly mortals. a lot has happened in the past few weeks in the world of gilhouse, so i will bring you slave-a-rinos up to speed. (i posted twice about this yesterday, but hitler evidently found the url to my new computer-machine.) so let's see...since my life of unemployed lethargy and disappointment has begun, i changed my nationality to mexican, developed a bizarre physical addiction to liquid bronzing solution, learned to tame wild horses, sired a son, flew a balloon into outer space, contended for the nobel peace prize, and built an ice sculpture in the likeness of shemp, the forgotten stooge.

but also...and worst of all, in the past few weeks i have had mice in my apartment. some may think this is silly and not a big deal. well, you guys can all eat my ass something fierce, because i hate mice and have spent every waking and sleeping hour with my broom, norman.



this is josh eating my ass something fierce. actually, in this picture he is trying to coax the mice (who i found living in indiana's food dish and in my stove!) into an almost eaten bag of potato chips. josh claims that not only can he fit 11 living mice into his mouth at any given time (pictured above, sans mice), but he also possesses the skill of training them to become his unholy army of the night. josh says he and his minions (that's the jewish word for mouse, i suppose) will ride giraffes across the baltic and reclaim what is rightfully his, lithuania, whilst playing professional australian rules football.





this is an action shot of one of the mice scurrying through my kitchen. terrifying, i know.




this is alvy actually encouraging one of the mice to cool off and take a swim in my sink. this actually happened, you jerks, because i found one mouse dead and really wet and gross while doing dishes. ick.



so i do not posses the mighty prowess needed to kill off these creatures, so i hired a bug man to come over and do it. the funny thing about this, the exterminator company sent david hasselhoff to kill the mice.



david (or dr. bones, as he preferred to be called) took one look at my place and said that what i had on my hands was not a mouse problem, but a very common urine problem. what the hell is this guy thinking? i have had many urine problems in my lifetime, and i know when i do not have a urine problem. david made me stay up all night just so we could watch this infomercial together about a product known as "urine gone." i suppose this is why dr. bones can only find work in eastern europe now days.