let me be the architect

So there is this website called iambetterthanyourkids.com and it is fabulous. It is about this bitter guy who insults children’s artwork. listed below are some of my all time favorites, prefaced by the website’s introductory statement. The one about the shit mobile is so amazing I can’t stand it.

I am better than your kids.

If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with a person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. In fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty to judge artwork done by other kids on the Internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece:

Megan, age 4 First of all, I don't even know what this is. If it's supposed to be a dog, then it's the shittiest dog I've ever seen. F
Kyle, age 8 You spelled America wrong asshole. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere, traitor. F
Lisa, age 6 Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colors. Also, eggs aren't supposed to have ears, dipshit. F
Cameron, age 4 Terrible. F
Jon, age 8 Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit. F
Rachel, age 7 That's interesting, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try, Hitler. F
Jason, age 6 This one would receive an "A" if the assignment was to throw as much random shit onto a paper as poorly as you can. I've pissed patterns on snow that look more coherent than this. F

the thing about a dutch oven is...

this is us overlooking lake bled before retiring to our hostel to watch german porn ads.



cock ramp. amazing.




josh is as hard as seth is smart. that's pretty hard.




the imperal war museum was like birding with toby, except we all enjoyed it.




look at seth, he is most likely thinking about how the sun works.




the best beer in slovenia can be found in a pizza parlor that turns into a dance club after 10pm. it was so good i totally had to mount seth.

my older, fatter, balder son

so here's the deal-machine...toby is gone (he's the one wearing the ever-so-classy wig in this picture, josh is the happy fellow in the middle, and i'm the guy drinking the waxy candle), and the best way to communicate with him is through pictures of our respective lives/activities/animals. right.