nice mouth feel

dissociative, non-reality based grandeur

Friday, July 28, 2006

pendant, those bastards


so i am going away for a few days and will not be around for this weekend's grilling and drinking. instead, i will be in vermont at a hippy wedding. i may not do the chicken dance, but i will be the center of the drum circle, and i will make sure to take pics. here are a few pics of things that have happened recently...some non-hippy things. enjoy your deathtrap ladies .








now serving customer 2005


josh learned how to ride a bike. well not really, he fell off. i ate the bike.








quiet down chorus boy


this is commando seth. johnny, johnny!



Tuesday, July 25, 2006

i'll tell you who's stupid. you, stupid.


so this past friday i was able to attend the weekly soccer match of the ever-so-gay soccer squad, "castle gray poop." i kid, of course. i was invited to watch my friends run around and sweat after a soccer ball while i sat on the sidelines eating condor eggs.


the game started off per usual, with josh humping the ball, seth calculating the rate of josh's thrust divided by the speed of sheena's good looks, and chris sat in the corner dropping acid (or as he likes to say, "having sex with whores").


as the game proceeded the action intensified. josh, however, found an undying interest in a pile of bags. he refused to sub back into the game, and as a result his squad had to forfeit. don't worry josh, i would have done the same.


"you don't get it gilhouse! these are samsonite bags! samsonite!"



after the game i had to have a urination-chew, and this is where i had to do it. i guess i haven't had to use one of these portable "johns" for a while, and i may be exaggerating here, but man-alive was this a terrible experience. and thank goodness i didn't have to sit on the "seat", because oh golly, it would have burned a hole straight through to my stomach and given my butt smell cancer. although i was i this facility for less than one minute, i constantly had to breath into my armpit and bask in the warm basking glow that is my old spice scent. and even through this i thought i would die from an overdose of bad smell! it was if the hobo on the corner had buried his army of raccoons in there. if that's the case, then i suppose this was awesome.


after my trip to the vomitorium we all huddled into a subway car and off we went to a bar off flatbush where...


seth and josh discovered the product known as beer.


fly my pretties! fly!


the following night we went to a sauna party where the name of the game was to sweat out the beer while you drank. we also congratulated claire for not failing the GRE. well done, claire! you'll be a doctor yet! now we just need to tackle your percodan addiction.


we showed up with a few giant budweisers, and there was a nice array of snacks provided. i had the hooker.


and then we moved on to the red stripes. in this pic my beer is telling me, "there are no rules in this place; it's thunderdome!"


in the bathroom there was the common home product we all know and love, "du-bang." man, do i love my du-bang. i have one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and if i'm feeling a bit frisky, a few at night. ok, so now that i have said this, i must say that i really don't know what a "du-bang" is. and don't give me that "flexible fabric bandage crap", because that's too easy. i want a real answer for why this product is called du-bang. josh?



after i ate the box of du-bang i returned to find chris undressing. the night ended creepy as shit when chris showed the creature that lives in his chest. god, that's hilarious.

actually, the funny end of the night came when someone barfed into their hands in the kitchen. i tried not to notice, but i did notice and i thought it was great. i remember times in the past when i discretely regurgitated beer onto myself and tried to play it off as if i had sneezed. it's a classy move.

as a side note: when i was spell-checking this post i realized that i misspelled "feeling." ok, thanks blogger for letting me know. what do you suggest as a proper spelling? what's that? you suggest "beluga?" what the hell?

Saturday, July 22, 2006

oh, that's raspberry


so here are a few more pics of toby in brooklyn. exciting.


in toby's old apartment there is a nice collection of bottles, warm beers and underwear. also exciting.


what i failed to mention in the previous post is that while we were out drinking something evil happened in the bathroom. essentially, someone decided a public bar was the best place to perform their dirty, sinful business. as such, the smell of a buried hampster pervaded the immediate area of the bar and dampened our spirits. this was not exciting.



toby was not too upset by this because he was wearing his "dolly parton" wig. i guess i see the resemblance. not really though. i think you got ripped off toby.


evonned was also upset about the wig.





toby is convincing zombie evonne that he already has a Ph.D. i don't that move works anymore tobs.


josh got cold and covered himself with some garbage. i suppose he gives a larbage.


and then i had a taco dinner. yum.

you've entered regicide


so toby wanted to see some of the pics from his most recent trip to brooklyn. whatever you say mister billboard.



can you guess which one is gassy?



seth is demonstrating the wonders of rabbi pornography. ooooh!


after seth's display both tobs and josh tried to log on.



looks like josh has had a bit too much porn. you should really know when to say when, josh.








in the morning (8am!) toby MADE josh and me pack his driving car with his belongings (expired medicine, wigs, glue for his wigs, hangers and block of cheese).


man i'll miss his wigs.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

seriously baby, i can prescribe anything you want


so i got into school and i have a decision to make: where to go? should i stay in new york or go to boston? a lion or a crimson butthole? i drank champagne to celebrate the fact that doctorhood is soon upon me, and went to boston to see what this crimson butthole thing is all about.


i also purchased a carvel ice cream cake. these are so good, so artificial and go wonderfully with liquor!


i also drank a lot. the way i see it, i'd better get my drinking in now, before the labs, schoolwork and cadavers take up all my goddamned waking time.


mego made nachos with a side of hand to celebrate. mmmm, hand.


look at all the crimson buttholes, using there legs like a bunch of suckers. as far as the campus, it was pretty, but i didn't really feel comfortable. and where would my local bar be? and who would i hang out with? no, no, i don't think i like this boston thing one bit.


and the transportation! the "T" stops running at like 11pm. or maybe it's midnight. whatever. how would i get around? what if i were hungry at night? would i have to get a car and drive to the store like toby. oh god, i'd be like toby!


so i took the china town bus back to nyc and took a look-see at columbia, where the non-buttholes flow like wine.


the library was extraordinary. seriously.


reminded me of the Reichstag and ghostbusters.


and look how many urinals there are! man-o-man. i think we have a wiener. now josh and i can be competitive with our new york schooling. now all i need is a helper monkey and i'll be set with this whole student thing.