it's common courtesy. you come in the house, you wipe your wheels.

so what else have i been holding out on? well, for starters...it turns out i'm a stalker. yeah, evidently hiding in bushes, staring from afar, digging through trash and sidling behind people is not only frowned upon, but considered to be "stalking." cool. above is a pic of lucas, indy's new best friend. just look at him jump! man, what an athlete.



indy also spent the weekend with ennie, a boxer who scars the hell out of toby.

also...who was the flash, and how was he different from flash gordon?



this is ennie doing the bundy bounce. "the new....allante!"


having two dogs is something i want for myself, but not yet. i imagine the hobo i pay to marry me will also have a dog, and that should make my life complete. anyhow, getting both dogs to eat their own food is difficult. in this pic we are trying to set up my dining room.

ennie: "why don't we just put these two tables together?"
indy: "no no, you can't do that. they're round... it makes an eight...."



after dinner i found indy sifting through the garbage. (i suppose he gets that from my side of the family.) anyhow, we had a talk, and of course, i recorded it.

Gilhouse: "So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen, you see an eclair in the receptacle, and you think to yourself, 'What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.'"
Indy: "No no no no no. It was not trash."
Gilhouse: "Was it in the trash?"
Indy: "Yes."
Gilhouse: "Then it was trash."
Indy: "It wasn't down in. It was sort of on top."
Gilhouse: "But it was in the cylinder."
Indy: "Above the rim."
Gilhouse: "Adjacent to refuse is... refuse."
Indy: "It was on a magazine. And it still had the doily on."
Gilhouse: "Was it eaten?"
Indy: "One little bite."
Gilhouse: "Well, that's garbage."
Indy:"But I know who took the bite.
Gilhouse:"Well, you, my friend, have crossed the line that divides man and bum. You are now a bum."



purrrr


last week i also got to hang out with a human, a nice change of pace for a shut-in such as myself. josh and i went to a bar on smith street and played galaga. well, jo-ho played, and he was quite good.



this is josh giving galaga the knuckle with a counter clockwise swirl. jeez josh, the swirl was so obvious. i would have used the pinch.


i'm about to take the subway and spend some birthday moneys. many moneys...my vast fortune. vast.

i love the rain...it washes memories off the sidewalk of life

for toby's second night we drank scotch and were very classy. i don't like liquor, so i took a swim in this pool of scotch colored water.


josh was so eager to tap into the scotch that he...



built a life-sized model of seth's penis.



the culprit for the following pics. thanks glen!



toby demonstrating how seth pushes his penis ahead of him in a wheelbarrow.



we saw this movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50mph...



and if its speed changed, it would explode!



I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."



my friends sure do like to drink



this is a picture of martin van buren writing the declaration of independence.



this is us converting josh to christianity. toby is pulling out josh's horns and doodle is taking his bags of money.



as per the borat song, toby felt it best to throw josh down a well.



sarah is dancing to that song about the wheels on the bus



in this pic (from left to right): obe one kenobe, jefferson airplane, a hydrofoil, chewbacka, josh, a pair of ice skates, a bar of soap, honey, a cement mixer. i know, i can't believe was got into vassar.



this is a picture of a bird flying into toby's head, like it couldn't avoid it. never seen that before. let's face it, toby is a walking candy apple.



josh was able to stop the bus that couldn't slow down by pulling it out of a trash can...



and he brought it to the bar with us.







i think the bus was having a good time until i finger banged it. gross.




i'm calling daddy





i don't even know what to say about this







the truck thought it appropriate to grab sarah's boobs. awesome.



????????????





josh i guess is a gay homo. either that or a bucked-toothed mummy with bony girl arms...don't worry josh, i am too.







with the all the picture taking i needed to catch up on all the drinking. also, i was thirsty.



my friends are very supportive.



the kicker for the night was when doodle thought it funny to pour a beer on my crotch. look at toby's face...he loves that i'm being humiliated. he knows what that's about.

on a nice mouth feel scale of 1-10 (with 1 being a corpse with gravel in it's mouth, and 10 being a velvet couch covered with whipped cream), i would give this night a 7.

when i was young, i wanted to be a baseball

toby visited this past weekend and we all love him. isn't toby pretty? this is a close up of the inside of his eyeball. you can see his retina you know.



our crew of idiots. toby is the strap around sheena's bosom. i'm toby.



these are my friends...a bathtub, william howard taft, jello gelatin, the headless horseman, mr. winslow and ganghus khan. (not pictured is a jar of honey.)



toby hates living in chapel hill. in these two pics he is demonstrating how to pull the skin clear off your face. evidently it is a study technique. can't wait to try that in medical school.



well played mister peanut.



this is sheena dropping acid and blowing kisses to claire's foot. yoo hoo...



this is us playing poker with the cast of jurassic park.



of course, absolute zero!



this is mrs. poopy pointing to where mr. poopy has a bowel obstruction. almost mrs. poopy. mr. poopy's butt is lower.



this is claire posing for terrorist weekly magazine. you see, this is humorous because claire is neither a terrorist nor a month.



nothing like drinking the blood of infidels to quench a thirst, hey claire?



claire is telling the radiator that it is "one sexy bastard." what the radiator does not know is that claire slipped some pills in her drink. you sly devil, claire. you took my move.



josh is trying to convince claire that he is a physician. "seriously baby, i can prescribe anything you want." claire thinks the glass is pizza.



this is a pic of me drinking with claire. nothing unusual except that i'm drinking a concoction i made using the liquefied soles of my shoes.



gumball. dashing, as always.



gumball, one second later and completely wasted.



josh's spidy senses are fine-tuned to detect drunk women...i think he's picked up a scent in this pic.




claire is upset because i spilled my beer on her.



this is a pic of seth having a serious gas problem. i suppose that's what happens when your penis is so large you need to lasso it around your leg or push it ahead of you in a wheelbarrow. anyhow, claire is clearly very gracious with seth's issues.



oh yeah...claire was inspired by my dna change and decided she wanted to become a soiled towel. eeeww.



this is mister potato showering, as he does in his native swaziland.



if this night were the olympics of pouring beer on your head, i think josh would have received shameful bronze. not bad.